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Ahh the velcro feeling! Clinginess in Older babies and toddlers is just another stage in their development that is normal but can totally overwhelm you. From tugging, grabbing and hanging from your leg it can feel overbearing at times. Clinginess is usually caused by insecurity or low self esteem. Things that can trigger clinginess is illness, teething and unfamiliarity. Mamas, its okay to feel overwhelmed from time to time and even though we may know what is causing the velcro feeling we may find it hard to deal with.

I have a 2 year old daughter called Ivy and I was breastfeeding during pregnancy. I was dropping her feeds down to nightly feeds before the new baby came along in hope to wean her off breastmilk (wishful thinking). But once Sage was born, Ivy returned to her usual feeds. It felt like I was back at square one with not just one but two babies.

In the run up of giving birth I tried my hardest to prepare Ivy for the arrival of her baby brother. I spoke a lot about the little baby in my belly and that when the baby arrives Ivy would need to share mummy’s milk. I connected to breastfeeding groups on Facebook which enabled me to speak to other like-minded mothers who were in similar situations. This was lovely and helpful as it reassured me that we weren’t alone. We also looked at pictures of other toddlers tandem feeding so Ivy could familiarise herself and it also sparked up a little conversation between us both. 

When Sage came along is was a rocky road for me and Ivy. Ivy was on a roller-coaster of emotions, and it was understandable as she was used to getting all the attention. Here are some techniques that I used:

Acknowledge The Situation
I would cry my eyes out thinking what have I done. I’ve created this two year old milk monster. This milk monster was demanding and I felt suffocated. I felt angry at times and frustrated. I would get worked up because I felt like the worst mama in the world for feeling these emotions. But taking a deep breath is detrimental. I took a deep breath (quite a few actually) in doing so I slowed down and acknowledged the situation. I took a step back to re-evaluate what was going on. It was important to take a more empathic and understanding approach. It was going to need a lot of strength and willpower but once I acknowledged what was going on I then felt better in my head space to move forward.

Distractions

A support network is handy. My mum would take Ivy away for a couple of hours just so I had a chance to feed Sage without feeling on edge. If you have a partner/hubby/wifey this could be where they can be helpful. If I was on my own then I would sometimes use a pillow to nurse which was handy as it gave me my hands back so doing a small activity like colouring, reading a book or playing with toys really helped with distracting Ivy. Going out for a walk helped aswel where the fresh air did us both the world of good. Sage was born during the Christmas period so for Christmas day Father Christmas brought Ivy a baby dolly. This was a great distraction. When I would feed Sage Ivy would sit next to me and feed her dolly.

Getting Involved
I would ask Ivy to bring me a blanket or my water bottle. This made Ivy feel involved and I would praise her for being so helpful “You are such a good big sister!” Not just when I was nursing I would also incorporate this into the usual activities like helping me change Sage’s nappy, Bath time and playtime.

Tandem Feeding
I find this the hardest as it’s something I’m still trying to grasp. But tandem feeding is a lovely thing to do. It brings the three of us together. Especially when Ivy is feeling so overwhelmed or is feeling poorly I tend to tandem feed.

You
Make sure you are looking after yourself. That you are drinking and eating. I tend to forget to do this sometimes and find it really doesn’t help and this can make me ‘hangry’. Also again regulating my breathing is something that I do a lot which is really helpful. When I have a few minutes to spare like on the toilet or even just sitting there nursing I close my eyes and visualise the relationship I want with my children. I even say to myself “I can do this!”.

It took about three weeks for Ivy to settle. At the beginning I thought it was never gonna end but one night Ivy was having bedtime milk and Sage started stirring in his bed.

Ivy – “I’m done now mummy. Go and get Sage because Sage needs mummys milk”

I was so shocked. I got up and I cried tears of joy whilst I went to get Sage and brought him back to the bed. I nursed him and Ivy gave him kisses on his forehead then cuddled my arm to sleep.

Ivy has adjusted to her new brother and their bond is just so beautiful to see. Ivy is such a doting big sister that it makes me emotional because of how far she has come from her milk monster days. When you feel like something isn’t going to get better it normally does. So if you’re reading this and in a similar situation trust me you have got this mama.